This piece was written by a young man I love and respect. My cousin Dwayne is a very talented and passionate writer, in his own rite. “Enough” is a bold cry out to the Lord, asking questions that every Christian has or may have to confront at some point during the walk with Jesus. I wanted to share this with my friends to let people know that even though we may be different, we all struggle with the same issues of our humanity.
Walking alone in the dark my eyes saw nothing. I stumbled trying to make my way through this maze; this world; this… darkness. Searching for a beam of light my hands became my eyes, guiding me through this unknown darkness. I yelled hoping to hear someone respond but silence echoed through my ears.
As I continued to walk, searching for hope, I came to a wall. I turn left: wall. I turn right: wall. The only options I had were to turn back around, or give up. As my back slid down the wall my knees bent and my head fell between them. I started to reflect on my life, my decisions, because I knew this was the end.
“When I was a young child I had no one to show me right from wrong. No one to give me love. Why did you not love me enough to bless me with guidance, o’ Lord? Becoming a teenager was no easier for me. I sold drugs to make money because it was the only thing I could do. Why did you not love me enough to bless me with the skills to obtain a job, o’ Lord? My adult years are by far my worst years yet. I used women as sex objects, behaved violently toward people who were not deserving of it, drank and used drugs because I could. What did I do to deserve this punishment, o’ Lord? People tell me all the time how you have helped them in their times of need, but you have never lifted a finger to help me my whole life.”
Tears filled with frustration and anger fell from my face as my heart grew heavier by the minute. A voice yelled out to me.
“My son. I’ve always been with you, subtly guiding you away from more harm than you could ever bare. But you saw fit to make your own decisions without me. My word says, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) Everything you’ve ever needed to become all that I see in you, has been locked within your heart, all along. But you chose to squander your time and raw talents. You chose not to discover and cultivate my gifts. My word says, “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” (Proverbs 10:4) You abandoned my council of truth, son. All of your decisions seemed as wisdom at the time of execution. My word says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. (Proverbs 14:12).”
With no words to follow what my ears had just heard, I began to feel weak. Ashamed and embarrassed I lived my life angry at God for what he didn’t do, never realizing all that he had done for me. For each tear that fell from my eyes, a piece of my old thoughts fell with it. For every scream of joy that exit my throat, a piece of hurt followed. I recalled the powerful words that the Lord had just given me. Each word gave me strength. Each verse, strapped battle gear preparing me for a fight.
Now I find that I am no longer sitting in a dark corner. I am standing and looking into the blue sky, smiling with my arms stretched out. I finally realize that I had not been alone; I had chosen to ignore God. Well…no more will my eyes be clouded by my selfish and stubborn ways. I’ve been given a second chance. So, enough of my sinful days.
Close your eyes and open your hearts. Some of the toughest bodies have the weakest souls. They will continue to be empty shells until they have had enough or… can’t get enough.