Always is a powerful word. I think it ranks right up there with the likes of “Infinity”, “Exponentially” and “Forever”. It has no finite end. That’s a pretty bold statement to make, especially considering someday we all have to move on. Who’s to say things won’t change? How do we know feelings will remain the same? How do you know your heart will still hold enough room for “always” even as it continues to make new room for new relationships? What if your heart dumps cache like your brain..or your cell phone? Heck, I can still remember my grandma’s phone number even though she’s been gone for over 20 years, but I can’t remember the password to my email accounts half the time. So, maybe the cache dump is random. If that’s true, will you still love me when I’m 50? How about 60? That’s a lot of time for me to make mistakes, backslide, forget about your face, or forget how close we once were. What if “always” doesn’t mean the same for me, as it does for you? Will you still love me even if I forget about you?
Why would you do that? Why would you continue to hold special room in your heart for a man who doesn’t deserve your love? Maybe on some level, you’re crazy. Maybe you’re a glutton for punishment. Or…just maybe I really don’t understand how deeply your love for me actually goes. Maybe I’ve never understood it.
I do know this, though. Lately, you’ve been on my mind almost everyday. That special bond we share has really been pinging my heart. It forces me to think about what I’m thinking about these days. Are you watching me somehow? Keeping an eye on me from a distance maybe? Is that why I can’t shake the thoughts of you throughout the day?
Maybe you will continue to love me, in spite of my faults, failures and forgetfulness. Maybe you are calling me, to someplace deeper that makes no logical sense. Maybe what I think of as imagination is real.